Letters to Fanfiction: Invader Zim
by The-Doctor's-Invader-at-221B
Summary: What all the characters would send in to Fanfiction .net, letters complaining about the disgustingly horrible pairings and such. Suggestions are welcomed! Disclaimer: If I owned IZ, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. Completed unless I get new ideas!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi! I know I reeeeally shouldn't start another fic...but I read the best HP fic ever, about how the characters wrote letters to FanFiction about how illogical everything is. And it was so funny, I decided to try it IZ style! Here goes!

* * *

Dear Fanfiction,

You horrible hyoo-mans are so stupid! Do you honestly think that ZIM would ever fall in love with that hideous, terrifying Gaz-thing? She is a despicable HUMAN stink-creature! Nothing of that deserves Zim! Whoever created that ZAGR will PAY! How they will pay...

-Zim


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Fanfiction,

Why do you insist on pairing me with Zim! What the HECK is up with the whole ZADR thing! He's male, I'm male, and we're ENEMIES, for Earth's sake! And he's. An. ALIEN.

-Dib


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Fanfiction,

Okay, I seriously am getting creeped out with all the RAPR stories that have been written lately. We're both guys, if you didn't catch that! And what a terrible disgrace that something like that would bring to the Empire. I really, really want to shoot whoever came up with THAT garbage full of lasers.

-Tallest Red


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Fanfiction,

Okay, you guys have me paired with pretty much ANYONE! It really, really creeps me out! There's DATR, ZADR, and a lot of others. I've even seen DAGR a few times. She's my SISTER!

-Dib


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm having the same problem as the big-headed kid! I keep getting paired with anyone and everyone! I've even seen some about GAPR. I've never even that human in my life!

And it also make me sick that you all think that a girl barely past smeet-hood is more manly than me.

-Tallest Purple


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Fanfiction,

I don't know where you got the idea that I was ever in love with Tallest Miyuki. I never, ever met her personally. And actually, she was too nice of an Irken, really. She was sweet and kind to everyone, even the really short people. I hate that.

-Tallest Red


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Fanfiction,

I don't know why any of you would want to pair me with Zim. What on Irk is with ZATR! We're total enemies! He ruined my LIFE! He made me a janitor on planet Dirt! FOR A STINKING SNACK! And I'd never date a filthy human creature, I also hate the whole DATR thing!

-Tak


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Fanfiction,

Okay, whoever made RAZR fanfiction is going to die. Very, very painfully.

-Tallest Red.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Fanfiction,

The Tallest would never betray such a very competant, incredible, AMAZING Invader such as ZIM! What is all this dookie about the Tallest giving me a fake mission! LIIIEEESSS!

-Zim


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Fanfiction,

What's with all the Mary-Sues? They always either make Zim and I become best friends, or is somehow my long-lost mother, or even worse, is somehow Irken and STILL my mother, and says that Zim and I are actually brothers.

And the worst part is, they usually involve ZADR after that.

I don't know why I even try to save this planet from destruction sometimes...

-Dib


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Fanfiction,

Zim does not have a long-lost sister that is so much more amazing than the amzing Zim-ness of ZIM!

-Zim


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Fanfiction,

Zim would never get taller than us somehow and replace us as Tallest. He's barely a third of our height! It would take him thousands of years to grow taller than almost seven feet tall. He's three feet high. Are you humans all completely blind?

-Tallest Red


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Fanfiction,

Why in the name of the Almighty Tallest do you humans think that ZAGiR is something that would ever cross your obviously brain-worm infested minds! That is squeedley-spooch-wrenching, even for stink-creatures such as yourselves to come up with!

-Zim


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Fanfiction,

This...this is seriously messed up. Who in all heck created the DAKR, DibxKeef! That is so demeted, it's worse than anything I've ever heard Zim say or do! This planet practically wants to be destroyed!

-Dib


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Fanfiction,

Who created this ZADF! They shall suffer! Zim would never, ever create a ffffilthy human friendship with the DIB-worm! We are mortal enemies! And I very much hate to speak this with my amazing lips, but I agree with the Dib on the disgusting, wretched ZADR.

You humans are absolutely the most vile creatures in existance.

-Zim


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Fanfiction,

My head is NOT BIG! Why do you all SAY THAT! You've mentioned it in every single stinking one of your fanfictions!

MY HEAD IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL SIZE!

-Dib


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Fanfiction,

You all will wish that you had rabid weasels transported into your brains instead of ever writing that despicable crap you call fanfiction. Number one, no one here on this world of idiotic morons would ever recieve affection from me. And I'm nine. I am quite mature, an enormous amount more so than anyone one of my age, but I don't want a boyfriend...or girlfriend, as the case you all say may be. I want all the pairings- ZAGR, TAGR, DAGR- and a whole bunch of others that involve people I've never met in my life- to burn in the depths of agony and wretched despair. Write any more of those and I will find out where you sleep at night.

-Gaz


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Fanfiction,

Why would you want to get sucked into our dimension? You'd have to put up with a criminally-insane alien trying to take over the world and destroy all human life, and why would you even want to be in Ms. Bitter's class, anyway? She's incredibly and terrifyingly scary. I know you want to be 'friends' with us or something, but Zim is a horrible jerk. And you all seem to want Zim to take over Earth or something, you don't want him to be turned over to the authorities. What kind of messed-up freaks want their own planet to be taken over? I wouldn't want to be associated with you, either.

-Dib


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Fanfiction,

I do not understand why you humans have written stories about this thing called GAMR. I would never betray my Mistress like that, and SIRs do not feel emotions. Only the badly defective ones do, like my Mistress's enemy's SIR. I would never feel this emotion called 'love' for something so horribly disgraceful.

-MiMi


	20. Chapter 20

Dear Fanfiction,

Why do you all say that my voice is high-sounding? It is not! It's perfectly fine!

-Tallest Purple


	21. Chapter 21

Dear Fanfiction,

Why do you like to toss our world in with somebody else's? There's a whole bunch of crossovers, like Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Danny Phantom, Harry Potter, Fairly Oddparents, Phineas and Ferb...gah! There's even My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic...I really do not understand that. At. ALL. Who'd want to throw happy, adorable ponies in a world that involves a moronic alien bent on taking over Earth? I mean, REALLY!

-Dib


	22. Chapter 22

Dear Fanfiction,

On the character list, you have 'Almighty Tallest Miyuki' and 'Almighty Tallest Spork', but you only have our regular names, Red and Purple! That's pretty disrespectful, you know!

-Almighty Tallest Red


	23. Chapter 23

Dear Fanfiction,

I am disgusted with all the relationships you involve my children in. They wouldn't ever think of doing something such as that. That is disgraceful! My son is definitely insane, but he wouldn't attempt to be in a relationship with the little foreign friend he has, or anyone else. And my daughter doesn't have time for any of the people that the rest of you involve her with, she is busy with her video games approximately eighty-nine percent of her time. Video games are perfect for hand-eye coordination! You fan-fiction writers might want to consider trying them sometime, or maybe even try out studying REAL SCIENCE instead of writing ridiculous stories!

-Professor Membrane


	24. Chapter 24

Dear Fanfiction,

We're dead. Just get over it already.

-Tallest Miyuki and Tallest Spork


	25. Chapter 25

Dear Fanfiction,

Zim would not sing pathetic human noise, ever! I detest your ridiculous songfics!

-Zim


	26. Chapter 26

Dear Fanfiction,

Please, will you all start using spell-check, at least once in a while? If you think about it, do we all speak like that, with tons of mispellings and grammatical mistakes?

-Dib


	27. Chapter 27

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm not in love with Tak, either, okay?

-Tallest Red


	28. Chapter 28

Dear Fanfiction,

I would never want to date any of you humans in a million years! I detest it when you create stories that involve ZIM falling in love with one of you horribly disgusting worm-babies, it repluses me dreadfully! Your 'self-insertion' fanfictions are terrible!

-Zim


	29. Chapter 29

Dear Fanfiction,

What's with the troll-fics going on? That's really stupid, making a story like that just to tick people off. The bad grammar, spelling, horrid storyline, everyone out-of-character, and the OC (who's not always there but most of the time there's one) is a Mary-Sue. It's gross!

-Dib


	30. Chapter 30

Dear Fanfiction,

I don't understand why at all it is such a popular idea to make my amazing and obviously far more surperior switch with the Dib-worm's! You stinking Earth-monkeys are quite unoriginal!

-Zim


	31. Chapter 31

Dear Fanfiction,

There are way, way too many stories where Purple and I tell Zim that he's on a fake mission and that he's defective. It's really stupid, because:  
Telling him that his mission is real and that he should stay on Earth is what's keeping the Armada and the rest of Irk alive.

He wouldn't believe us, anyway.

And we've told him he's defective before. He thought it was a hilarious joke.

-Tallest Red


	32. Chapter 32

Dear Fanfiction,

There are also many stories where you involve me, ZIM, in your future and attending Hi-Skool along with the Dib-thing and his terrifying sister-worm. And I have apparently grown quite a lot in those years. Although it would be incredibly amazing for myself to grow so tall, I have stopped growing and won't get any taller. An unfortunate fact, but I am ZIM! I am just as impressive with my regular Zim-height. And I wouldn't change from my Irken uniform to your disgusting Earth clothing, which you always say is something 'emo-style'! You humans all speak lies and nonsense!

-Zim


	33. Chapter 33

Dear Fanfiction,

Write any more DADR and I'll let Zim destroy you.

-Dib


	34. Chapter 34

Dear Fanfiction writers and readers,

I have hit 100 reviews for this fanfic. I've even been told that it was one of the best I.Z. fics that they'd ever read. I can say nothing but thank you for all the feedback, it's been wonderful. I'd like to give a shoutout to:

Invader Johnny, Tobi the Simsmeister, Invader makayla, HyperSpooches58, UltimateKawaiiGirl, Invader Zimmantha aka Z-13, Zora Princess, and xXDark-Rose-MariaXx, my regular reviewers. And to everyone who reviewed before and are still following!

I will continue until Earth gets taken over by Zim, or until I run out of ideas, whichever comes first! And you know what'll come first...

-AlmightyTallestMizena


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: A few things: To the confusion in the last chapter with Dib, the DADR is Dib and Dwicky romance.

Yes, you all can borrow my supply of brain-bleach.

And I haven't made Gir write a letter because he wouldn't have a problem with anything on here, most likely. He's Gir.

: :

Dear Fanficion,

There's also a bunch of stories where Red and I get replaced as Tallest by someone else. Why, do you guys all hate us or something?

-Tallest Purple


	36. Chapter 36

Dear Fanfiction,

There's a bunch of fics that involve me killing myself because I can't capture Zim or I feel too 'unloved'! Why the heck would I do something stupid like THAT?

-Dib


	37. Chapter 37

Dear Fanfiction,

I will hunt you DOWN if you write another GATR story, you sick freaks!

-Tak


	38. Chapter 38

Dear Fanfiction,

I thought that RAZR was kinda funny, until...I saw one with PAZR in it...

-Tallest Purple


	39. Chapter 39

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm not Irken or even half-Irken. Neither of my parents are, either. I think I would've figured that out sooner if I actually was.

-Dib


	40. Chapter 40

Dear Fanfiction,

The whole 'crack pairings' thing is really, really stupid. It's creepy, and it's not funny, even if you really think so. It scares the heck out of US, the actual characters!

-Dib


	41. Chapter 41

Dear Fanfiction,

Why do you all keep saying that my sister and I are just clones of our parents? That's ridiculous!

-Dib


	42. Chapter 42

A/N: To all who were correcting me on my last letter by Dib, I do indeed know that Dib and Gaz are clones and that their mom is kept in a jar. I just thought it would be kind of funny that Dib would protest against that. I guess not... Eh, here's the next letter.

Dear Fanfiction,

You foolish, disgusting sacks of stink-meat! The Tak-beast is nothing but an inferior enemy to me, NOT a mate! I detest your ZATR stories!

-Zim


	43. Chapter 43

A/N: I now have 22 followers for this, erm, 'story'. You have no idea how awesome that is. XD

: :

Dear Fanfiction,

I have recently found out about another VILE pairing you stinking, wretched hyoo-mans have come up with: ZAZR. You creatures disgust Zim to no end, horrible stink-creatures!

-Zim


	44. Chapter 44

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm not in love with Zita, at all! Where did you all get that idea? I know I was concerned when Gaz tossed mashed potatoes in her face, but I would be for anyone (except for Zim, of course. That would be really funny if his eyes got messed up because of those).

-Dib


	45. Chapter 45

A/N: Just a couple more letters I thought of! This will always remain complete, even if I get new ideas for it, because I don't know how long this will be. But as long as I keep scrolling through the archives... *Shudders*

: :

Dear Fanfiction,

The other day, Purple and I saw a story containing RAPAZR.

We're seriously considering sending the Armada over to Earth as soon as possible.

-Tallest Red


	46. Chapter 46

A/N: Why the heck didn't I think of this one sooner?

: :

Dear Fanfiction,

I told you to stop writing fanfiction about me. I'll give you all half an hour to delete all those GAGR fics or I will hunt you down.

-Gaz


	47. Chapter 47

Dear Fanfiction,

I've never seen Gretchen having any sort of a connection with me whatsoever! What are you all talking about; saying that she has a crush on me!

-Dib


	48. Chapter 48

Dear Fanfiction readers,

I know that you all would like me to keep my facts straight, but I know full well that Gretchen has a thing for Dib. And I am NOT bashing any of your precious OTPs; I happen to be a huge ZATR and GAMR shipper, and I am rarther fond of DATR.

Any letter I write, I mean it jokingly. I swear.

-AlmightySmallestMizena


	49. Chapter 49

Dear Fanfiction,

You humans can be pretty scary sometimes. I've always been friends with Zim, but not in LOVE with him! ZASR creeps me out!

-Skoodge


	50. Chapter 50

Dear Fanfiction,

This 'AlmightSmallestMizena' human has apparently written several stories about the incredible Zim, the Dib, Gir, the Dib-sister, and the Tallest. And she apparently 'ships' a 'pairing' known as ZATR...

SHE WILL PAAAYYY!

-Zim


	51. Chapter 51

Dear Fanfiction,

I've found out about a certain story written by a certain author who has me as one of the main characters. It's also a romance story called 'Violet Passion'-

And it's hilarious! XD

Sorry about about my idiot partner. Anyway, this is absolutely stupid. I'd never be in love with some random Invader! Who in Miyuki's name is Bik, anyway!

-Tallest Purple


	52. Chapter 52

Dear Fanfiction,

MALNR is ridiculous! I never was ever in love with Tallest Miyuki!

-Lard-Nar


	53. Chapter 53

Dear Fanfiction,

I will really hurt that stupid writer! Another story of hers is called 'Gir's Massive Adventure', involving Zim's stupid SIR wrecking our sanity while getting trapped on the Massive, and then I get brought to Earth because of a teleporter apparently made by Zim.

If she hadn't made me laugh so hard about the other one involving Purple, I would really kill her.

-Tallest Red


	54. Chapter 54

Dear Fanfiction,

And now she's got one called 'Closer to the Ground'. Involving me. And Zim. And horrible things.

Yep, she's dead. So very dead.

-Tallest Red


	55. Chapter 55

Dear Fanfiction,

This is to all you Earth-pigs who've reviewed this so-called 'story' of sorts. First of all:

The horrible 'shippers' of ZADR! I SHALL DESTROY YOU ALL!

-Zim

I will never agree with Zim again, but YES! We are mortal ENEMIES! And all the other shippers of any pairing you have me in, it's either nonsensical or downright weird.

-Dib

And all those ZAGR shippers, too, that have said we're 'meant to be together'- I hate you all with a burning passion.

-Gaz

And you all find my reaction to these pairings and everything else apparently very amusing. I'll show you how funny it really is when we send the Armada to blow up your entire planet to bits. You take a guess on who's going to be laughing then.

-Tallest Red

You also all think I'm silly, rather whiney, and immature. I am NOT!

-Tallest Purple

Yes, I do agree with you ZAGR shippers. NO, I do NOT agree with all the ZATR shippers that say we need to be together because it would be 'cute'!

-Tak

So, what we are saying, all you disgusting Earth-smellies that follow this are horrible in so many ways! Your reviews sicken me, you pig-beasts! Yeah! Definitely. I hate agreeing with this... It's almost impossible that Zim was right for once. Ugh... Zim's right...

-Zim, Dib, Gaz, the Tallest, and Tak


	56. Chapter 56

Dear Fanfiction,

The MPreg. Stop it. Stop it right now.

-Zim, Dib, and the Tallest


	57. Chapter 57

A/N: I don't like this ship.

Dear Fanfiction,

What in the heck is with DALNR romance! I mean, he's some alien I've NEVER MET IN MY LIFE. A VORTIAN ALIEN. Just... What... Exactly...is wrong with some people on this Earth?

-Dib


End file.
